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16 September 2009

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Diary |

This evening, my lovely and I went to the Fenwick Elliott Garden Party on the roof of Derry & Toms. in the High Street Kensington. It really is a very beautiful garden which brought to mind  the Hanging Gardens of Babylon which I imagine could have been similar. I was fortunate enough to visit Babylon […]

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Love on Mars

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.  Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of […]

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Starting a Lecture

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

This is one of the many devices I use at the beginning of my lectures in China in order to grab the students’ attention. Sometimes I start in Latin,  other times with a quotation from my illustrious namesake, Marcus Cato the Elder. On this occasion I started  by asking for all the idiots in the […]

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Norfolk Joke 1

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

Boy Arthur and George were on the way down to the Cricketers public house, one evening, when they saw a young lady, by the side of the road, with a bicycle with a flat tyre. Arthur said to George, “You go on down to the pub and line up the beer and I’ll stay and […]

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Cowboy and the Bishop

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

Speaking of options reminds me of the Bishop and Texan cowboy who found themselves sitting next to each other on a ‘plane journey. After take-off the stewardess asked the cowboy if he would like a drink.  He ordered bourbon on the rocks. She then turned to the bishop and asked if he would like the […]

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Elephants

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

A man sitting in the corner of a railway carriage kept tearing pieces out of his  newspaper, screwing them into small balls and then throwing the out of the window. A man sitting opposite became curious and asked him why he was doing it. “It keeps the elephants away”, the man said. “But there aren’t […]

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Getting the Wrong End of the Stick

Posted by DMC on 16 September 2009 in Jokes |

A man came home and found a naked man in the house. His wife said, “it’s all right darling. The man is a nudist who just dropped in to use the telephone”.

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Pigs

Posted by DMC on 15 September 2009 in Jokes |

A man was driving his large Bentley down a winding country  lane. As he approached a sharp corner he met a lady in a Mini who was forced to mount the grass verge to avoid the Bentley. She wound down her window and shouted out, “Pig!” The driver of the Bentley was so annoyed that […]

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Tents

Posted by DMC on 15 September 2009 in Jokes |

A man who went to see his doctor. “I’m not well, doctor.  There’s something wrong with me.  In the mornings I think I’m a wigwam, and in the afternoon I think I’m a marquee”. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m going to give you a sedative. You’re two tents…”

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Broken Fingers

Posted by DMC on 15 September 2009 in Jokes |

Talking of achievement reminds me of the man who went to the doctor with a broken finger.  The doctor put it in the splint. “Will I be able to play the piano, when it’s better?”, he asked the doctor. “I don’t see why not”, said the doctor. “Funny”, said the man, “I’ve never been able […]

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