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1 February 2010

Posted by DMC on 1 February 2010 in Diary |

Neil from the NHS came to add some more telephone numbers to the Possam, speed it up and increase its volume. Maybe now I find it a less frustrating item of equipment.

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2 February 2010

Posted by DMC on 2 February 2010 in Diary |

I toyed with the idea of my weekly walk round the golf course and, having looked at the five-day weather forecast which predicted heavy rain and strong winds (can one always believe the forecasters?), on this occasion I put my trust in them and decided against going. Imagine my delight when I opened my e-mails this morning to find that, in any event, the course had been closed due to excessive rain. Think, I could have got up very early, and travelled the 39 miles to the club, without checking my e-mails, and then made this discovery. For once I got it right.

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3 February 2010

Posted by RHM on 3 February 2010 in Diary |

The good doctor Long came yesterday from Paris, arriving mid-afternoon and left mid-morning today -a genuine flying visit. We are mulling over the possibility of the two of us having one final trip to my favourite hotel in Hua Hin, Thailand, towards the end of March. Much depends upon Michael’s workload commitments but I am making enquiries and hoping.

If we do decide to go, I just hope that I will be strong enough to make the trip without being too much of a nuisance. I had a bit of a fright yesterday when I took almost 15 minutes to get out of my study chair at lunch. My minder, Jane, was at the other end of the house so would have rescued me in the end but I did panic a little. However, since then I have  not noticed more  general deterioration in the strength of my legs, so hopefully that was a one-off.

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5 February 2010

Posted by DMC on 5 February 2010 in Diary |

Went to London by train today to see my stockbroker, Jenks and after miserably plodding our way through the schedule of heavy losses (not his fault but a general reflection of the market) was compensated with an excellent lunch at the Pescatori in Dover Street. Good old Mark then insisted on taking me back to Liverpool Street Station by taxi and ensuring that I caught my train. The only problem was I had great difficulty getting into the taxi having got down below my normal level of gravity, a long struggle ensued to get me on to the seat. During this period the taxi driver sat impassively, distaining interest. He had seen it all before it seems.  Once securely seated I explained to him that I was not a legless drunk but was suffering from MND, which I think he may have believed. I have determined that any future taxi rides I shall ask the driver to come and assist me in and out of the cab, to avoid further embarrassment of this nature.

England made a good start in the six Nations Rugby Championship with a 30 – 17 points win against the Welsh.

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Top Ten of Everything

Posted by DMC on 5 February 2010 in Anecdotes |

Geography:

Countries:

Vacations

Automobiles

Business and Consumerism

Miscellaneous

Specific to the US

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Bananas

Posted by DMC on 5 February 2010 in Anecdotes |

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression “going bananas” is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!

This is interesting. After reading this, you’ll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars – sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.

Research has proven that jus t two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world’s leading athletes.

But energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills – eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas i n the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a “cooling” fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body’s water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It i s also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, “A banana a day keeps the doctor away!”

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe… polish with dry cloth. Amazing …

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6 February 2010

Posted by DMC on 6 February 2010 in Diary |

On Saturday night, on Radio Four, the Moral Maze debated the issue of assisted suicide which has been very much in the news recently.

There is no doubt in my mind we are heading for a change in the law which will allow loved ones to assist terminally ill or suffering friends or relation to have a dignified and less painful end.

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Dirty Old Grandmas

Posted by DMC on 6 February 2010 in Jokes |

Dirty Old Grandmas are tricky!!!!

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home, when an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, ‘We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.’

The old man said, ‘There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.’

One of the old Grandmas said, ‘Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.’

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, ‘You’re 87 years old!’

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, ‘How in the world did you guess?’

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison – – –

‘We were at your birthday party yesterday!’

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Funny Chain of Title

Posted by DMC on 6 February 2010 in Jokes |

Only in Louisiana.

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our damn loan?”

He got the loan.

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Health Insurance

Posted by DMC on 6 February 2010 in Jokes |

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital . As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, ‘No health insurance.’  The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied. ‘No money in
the bank.’

The nun asked, ‘Do you have a relative who could help you?’ He said, ‘I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun. The nun became agitated and announced loudly, ‘Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God’. The patient replied, ‘Send the bill to my brother-in-law.’

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