CATO Mark The life of his Carer in China and Thailand. October 20- November 5 2009

Hi all,

I have now taken full control of his bottom. I cannot go through another episode like the one at Dubai airport. His bowels are now regular. In China I dreaded the time during lectures he would have to go. The university provides only squat type loos. I had this vision of me swinging around with the crouching professor with first, his trousers going down the huge hole or perhaps me his carer, or possibly all of us!

Aircraft toilets are a breeze. I stand guard at the unlocked door and flip in and out as necessary and finally zip him up as required with me standing in the passage with my charge trying to shout instructions from within. “Careful of my willie” (Evidently it was caught once in a zip by Alice) or “too tight – too loose-or my shirt’s not straight” and so forth.. Always I am getting complaints “I am too hot” but the bugger insists on wearing a vest, shirt, tie and blazer with a (wilting) rose in the button hole and all this when we are struggling along in Economy, Air China with a bunch of indifferently dressed ‘peasants’.

Anyway in Thailand following a bowel action I thrust him in the shower and take to him and his bottom with everything I have. He protests but he now knows I do not tolerate smart English clothes and ‘dirty’ bottoms. Yesterday he escaped and had a bowel action in the toilet near our lagoon. Serves him right for not telling me for because of his useless hands he locked himself in. Fortunately this tropical toilet was open to the jungle on the other side and you can imagine our professor escaping through the jungle with his underpants around his ankles.

He is a sun worshipper, nude, in the afternoons, when in the complete privacy of his balcony. It takes me around 30 minutes to set him up.. First I keep a constant look out to ensure no one is watching this pantomime. Next is the 6 blocker – all over- “rub it well in- now the 50 sun block on my cheeks nose and forehead”.

I shoot this container, it is a bit like a gun. One minute I am dousing a plant or the next not the professor but his hat or glasses. I am getting better. Next, is an oil for his skin which he wants all over and for me then to “rub it well in”. That for his private parts I drop from a height and there is no rubbing business, hoping, with the last movement left in his hands, he can deal with that himself!.

Just now, prior to sunbathing, he wanted to be shaved off some body hair, explaining that “Roman gladiators had this done to them-by plucking while they were taking a Turkish bath”. His eyesight was tremendous as he surveyed my work. “you’ve missed that grey hair by my nipple” and so forth. It took a good 20 minutes and I had a distinct feeling of being a shearer.

The first day here in Thailand, yesterday, I was utterly stuffed as we had arrived at 03.00 a.m. from Beijing. I got the master into bed and unpacked his bag and was not into bed myself until well after 04.00. Up again at 07.00, as I have learnt to do all my things first as there is no time once I begin with him. I got him going by 08.00 but then had to feed him, at breakfast, as well as collecting fruit in a plastic box and orange juice for his lunch. Apparently he has done this for the past 10 years or so, so the staff are quite used to it.

It was 11.00 before I was able to leave him sun baking while I returned to my own devices. At 13.00 a yell across the lagoon, ( I leave my door open so as to keep an eye on him) indicated he was ready to return.

I rush down to fetch his things but again he had quickly escaped to have an outdoor shower. Unfortunately, in the process he splashed a group of nearby indignant German tourists leaving yet another group for me to placate. Last night he insulted a Dutch couple sitting next to us at the ‘Bam Bam’ street restaurant by telling them that their “language is simply disgusting”. Normally we have a drink at 16.00 but I note that the time is getting earlier each day. Whether it is gin, champagne, beer, fruit juice or even coffee I put it in a plastic cup with a top and straw. The straw is long and I have been quick to learn to keep it out of his way as he continually knocks the straw and stuff goes everywhere. I didn’t drink then, as with my fatigue, I would have been unconscious but he was able to put a few gins away without any effect.

After dining in the nearby town of Hua Hin, with him decked out in a large apron, a splint on his right wrist-and another on the left to hold a ‘pusher’- him smoking cigars quite regardless of others nearby – we return to our hotel.

More grog. I have to undress him and then put on his ridiculous night shirt with 20,000 buttons- put toothpaste on his toothbrush, “not the yellow centered toothbrush, that is for the sunshine in the morning” but the “green brush for night” and all this using his revolting electric brush (I plan to clean it soon). I set him up with a drink, and one for myself, and we sit on the bed and watch videos. Last night it was ‘The Young Queen’ about Victoria. Really enjoyed it as there was a lot about Albert who came from Coburg, a city in Germany with which I am familiar, through my friend Andy Schneider.

Great film, but my charge kept talking as each scene reminded his hyperactive and intelligent mind of something. Anyway Victoria had a ‘Mistress of the Robes’ and my master has since promoted me to ‘Master of the Robes’. This includes his laundry “It is too expensive to use the hotel laundry”. So I am into his smalls and everything, plus keep his room relatively tidy. His servant, me, of course, with no time, sends his stuff to the hotel laundry!

What an adventure. There is something compelling and good about this caring. He could barely exist now without help. His disease has progressed and he can barely feed himself. If we are rushing or he is having too much trouble I grab the food and thrust it into his mouth. I must remind him there is no need for him to put his tongue out quite so far as it looks grotesque and is unnecessary, reminding me of a baby magpie. You have to be quick too as he snaps down on his food and a finger could be crushed. Pills I am getting better at throwing them in.

Really though he is an incredible fellow and his lectures to 140 Chinese and international students in Beijing were inspirational. The Chinese students obviously love him and frequently touch him. He has tremendous respect for the young and these people sense it. They were incredibly moved by him coming in spite of his affliction and I could tell that, apart from the wonderful lectures, he has inspired them about living and making use of every second. As his carer it is fun to play some part in all this and even to have made his visit possible. He is now planning to return next year but I do wonder what his situation will be then?. We can consider this at the time. I can understand that Alice at home is enjoying the rest I can provide- a reminder perhaps that carers too require rest.

Bugger, he is calling again – it is 16.00 already. He wants ice and a drink. I must be off.

Hugs and love to you all,

Michael XXXXXXX

30 October 2009 Reply from Penny Long at present in Australia.

Dad – your travels together make for great, hilarious reading….. with loving under- currents…..Have just read it aloud for the second time to the family (Jack, Mary and Leo)..I..think all people, as, a vital life education, need to step into the carer’s-role!!! Imagine, that, instead of military service??? Just read ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’, a moving book but I must say, somewhat proudly, my life has somehow already been tuned to much of the meaning it conveys.

Much love to you and the Roman Gladiator,

Penny & Co!

P.S – Perhaps the Carer should put out a little snippet on his charge’s website….nothing too confronting and only with the Gladiator’s approval of course!!

Sunday 1 November 2009.

Well I have his bowels pretty much under control now though I need to cut back on his mango somewhat as he has me running a bit today. He calls when he is “ready” and, as a contribution, he has clumsily torn off a token mound of paper. He is keen for an initial flush of the toilet in order for me to avoid the gloomy mess in the bowl. However I retain a clinical interest in my work and steal a peak- feeling nearly as satisfied as his Lordship with a good result.

We finish with a clean with ‘baby wipes’ or if too bad he is thrust muttering back into the shower. I now run him as an extension of my own body and increasingly anticipate his requirements. In fact I retain that childish irritation when reminded of something I was about to do.

Yesterday he was out of synch with me. He pissed me off with his arrogance to others, insensitivity, intolerance and impatience. I can handle it, but I really get down when I see him doing it to others. So I had a downer and was abrupt with him and went through my chores in a mechanical fashion. Of course, knowing me as he does, he sensed something was wrong and continually asked had he said something to me that was wrong. I did not tell him, except to mention how in one group he said something about Muslims with others around, which perhaps even Muslims, might consider offensive. Also I have made him aware that not infrequently people close to us at dinner in street cafes move away when he attempts to dominate the situation.

Long swim ( I am back to doing many laps early each morning) and then back into my duties today. All is well and we are laughing and sharing as usual. It was an interesting experience though mainly from my reaction of gloom and where my chores were not the fun they had been or are again today.

The staff here like us and have asked us to join them for the special dinner tonight. We are chuffed by that.

The time slots when I have the master immobilised with sun baking are pure bliss for me. I am reading furiously and lie in the big couch overlooking the lagoon outside my room. In the shade of course, though with direct sun daily 10 minutes a side I am developing a healthy glow. The Asian food is really healthy and I am mad about the steamed rice, fish dishes and vegetarian food.

It is Sunday and we leave Wednesday,4th afternoon for the Bangkok airport, 2 ½. hours away by cheap taxi. Get to London about 07.00 a.m. Thursday 5th and I will go to Essex and “Lantern Thatch” with Mark and ‘hand him over’ to Alice. …..
I gain in strength with daily early swimming and the master I suspect is quietly envious as his body slips away. Up at 06.00 to walk alone on the beach then 30 laps in a tropical pool. I wake him at 07.20 give him green tea with a sealed feeder and straw, while he shaves and I return to wash, shower, dress him and before we depart for breakfast do his hair-his bloody hair. He always insists it is wetted, brushed and combed close and for formal situations I have to apply this terrible teenage type spray to hold it all in place. He constantly asks is it OK. I often confirm it is even though it might be sticking out from the sides giving him this mad professor look-which I think fits the situation anyway.

He can be incredibly impatient and intolerant though he says he is OK now and even Alice has remarked on his improvement. He was though clearly a bit hurt when I indicated he was now a B-, clearly a pass, but room for further improvement! He talked incessantly during that wonderful film “Crash” and at one stage was up and cleaning his teeth with the noisy electrical thing-next he has spilled all the pips from the regular mandarin I skin for him each night; insists I collect them all during the film-and they were everywhere.

Another night he dropped his cigar while smoking in bed. He was yelling blue murder for somehow it was under his back and my attention had been diverted by the usual and big blob of ash adorning the pure white bed cover. Anyway he missed all those wonderful nuances in Crash and then says he didn’t understand the film!

I have to be quick in town as he tires with the heat and I have little time to explore. He is bloody murder in negotiating for 120Baht (about $4.00) for the 10 km or so ride back to the hotel. He usually wins and those emotionally destroyed drivers who do get us back are resuscitated by me surreptitiously slipping them something near the correct fare. Money means much to him and like an automatic calculator he is always blurting out the Sterling equivalent of everything. He worries about the expense of every meal (most for both of us under $15 last night only $10.). He says he is not mean, and I agree, though at times you have to cross some sort of cattle grid to get to his clearly generous side. In all aspects of his life he is and has always been incredibly generous and in all those important aspects of life and not necessarily financial. I, along with others, continue to benefit with this generosity of ‘life’.

He is sun baking again with i-pod music which I set up for him. I then have to order ice for drinks for when he re surfaces at 16.00. Then it is all go until I tuck him into bed following the film at about 22.30,-switch out the lights then like a flash, next door to my room for a read.

Incredible fun and a unique experience-particularly with someone whose mind is so sharp and enquiring. I have an hour of bliss ahead. Must go.

Love from a carer (for there are many of them and the place would not function without).
XXXXX
Michael

Tuesday 3 November 2009

The hotel turned on a lavish feast to celebrate the Loy Krathong Festival. My master tore into the white wine from Chile and possibly overate, leaving him a hot sweaty mess. Not though, before we both were able to celebrate the lives of Jenny, my sister and Lars Aby, from Sweden both of whom had just died and who had been responsible for profound changes in my life. The hotel staff had produced a little float of flowers adorned by incense and a lighted candle which we launched and it floated away into the night.

It was appropriate too, that the candle would flare and die away only to flare again and this went on repeatedly for the next half hour. We were both sad with lumps in our throat and Mark was strangely silent.

His legs are definitely weaker. Following the feast he was impatient and wanted to go ahead to the room. I gave him the card key and had some misgivings of leaving him alone. Minutes later as I approached his room I found him a whimpering mess, crumpled up, impacted in the corner facing the door. He was frightened. I hoisted him up from under his arms. Evidently he had dropped the door card key and was endeavoring to pick it up when he realised he couldn’t move and was impacted, facing the corner.

His arms are useless and his legs weak, creating a near impossible situation for him. This is evident too as he climbs into a ‘took took’ when frequently he folds onto the floor before he can be rescued and plonked on the seat by me, the startled driver or a passer by. He has trouble now covering himself in bed and tends to roll out onto his knees as he leaves bed to do things. Frequently now, I see him in a praying position, with a bare bottom and the ruddy night shirt somewhere around his chin. I have suggested that as he is in the praying position it is a pity to waste it and that he should offer a quick prayer or two as he passes!

Yesterday when I called in to get him up there was blood everywhere. He had fallen out of bed, and struck his head on the corner of the bedside table, while trying to get up during the night for a drink. A shallow laceration on his right cheek will surely cause Alice some concern and possibly a rebuke for me when I return him to her tomorrow.

In spite of these difficulties his life and mine continue with hope and a sense of fun. Undaunted he continues to record his day to day life for his blog (www.dmarkcato.com) and always there is this tremendous enthusiasm to instill in others the fun which remains in a disrupted life. Constantly he is inventing devices not only useful to him but for others who might be disabled.

For ‘The Carer’ (I have elevated myself now to capitals), it has been a profound experience to be with him over the past two weeks. Apart from the occasional periods when I want to ‘kill’ him (and like a ritual he does bury his head in a basin of cold water every morning-making such a task easy-and we laugh about that) I am amazed at how the effective Carer grows into the life of the one being cared for. Just like a surgeon and good surgery you develop a rhythm and move with a minimum of fuss to the task. Anticipation of the needs of others appears the key. In the end you become a team a bit like an effective marriage. Those being cared for are very much part of the team.

He has said repeatedly how Alice and I react similarly to many of his situations, even saying the same things! This morning he paid me the best complement ever as quietly and patiently I was going about my duties. “Thank you my lovely” he said absentmindedly confusing me with Alice. As usual we fell about with riotous laughter.

And so now at the airport in Bangkok our flight is due to depart for London via Dubai. I have kept the mango down and here’s hoping.

Lots of love and hugs to you all,
Michael XX

Penny 6 November 2009

Well Done Michael!! And Well Done Mark Too of course (shall I give him more or less or the same exclamation marks??…….more is only fair after all you leave his sickness today……!!!)!!!!!
It’s been a wonderful story to follow ’cause the compassion keeps coming through too……so what we get a glimpse of, is this ‘curly-leaf’, ornate personality bravely and somewhat(!) loudly claiming/igniting his corner of life determinedly with what ever resources are available to him………and we get a good glimpse of you too which is extra good!
…..
Hugs, Penny & Co

On 06/11/2009, at 3:50 AM, Michael Long wrote:
Mark,
Letter to Mark Cato from Paris 7 November 2009.

That was one of the most incredible few weeks ever. You are an inspiration in every aspect. Not only have you, (and continue to do so), greatly enriched my life you are doing that for countless others, including those wonderful Chinese students. I know this will continue right to the end-whenever that might be.

You were an only child but now you have a ‘brother’-me- for that is how we will continue. It seems appropriate after knowing one another for more than 54 years.

When I arrived to enter the Paris Metro last night my pockets were picked with a cleverly contrived maneuver. The man was “helping” me through the turnstiles and I even thanked him and went on myself to help someone else. Immediately the bank in Australia was onto me trying to confirm a recent purchase attempt and their card and all the others were cancelled. My drivers licence and Hertz and Avis cards have also gone but try as I have there seems no way to cancel them until their offices reopen on Monday! Anyway apart from wearing safer clothing it highlights for me that there can be a vast difference between “helpers” and “Carers”- they are not necessarily the same!

I am pleased about you getting rid of those old computers. No doubt you will plan your room at home and just how you will move about downstairs and the bed well before they might be required. You might need a wheelchair too which has to negotiate various threshold about the house and without. Planning does not mean you will need them and perhaps the reverse will apply. I leave all this to you but fully expect to see you in blazer, tie and wilted rose right to the end. Simply, some things can never be changed.

Anyway thanks for the magic and the sharing.

Love,
Mick XXX
PS Those letters written to my family are attached. Now that I have safely left the country it seems safe to send them!

Letter to Mark after speaking to son Tom, November 10 2009

Mark,

I have just been speaking to Tom. He was really moved by “the letters”. He is a real giver and I find him as a result thinking of doing some quiet charity work in Thailand or I suppose any other country. He just wants to do it quietly without fanfare or reward save that from the intense pleasure you find in caring for others. Anyway it is an example of what you are achieving by yourself and through your friends. Just thought you would like to know.
XXX
Mick

The ‘Cared For’s’ Ripost.

As the reader will have noted, many of the good doctor’s events, on which he commented, were a mirror image of mine, if from the other side of the fence, so to speak. He is entitled to use hyperbole and, indeed, has made ample use of it as, no doubt, as I do myself from time to time. I will neither defend nor comment on the isolated severe criticisms made of my character. If that’s away my friend sees me then sobeit. To his credit he has not allowed such defective characteristics to interfere with our friendship. What I found fascinating about the doctor’s account is that where I saw myself as containing my innate impatience and, most of the time trying unselfishly to consider my carer by delaying requests to what I thought was a more convenient moment, this clearly, is not the way the good doctor saw it.

In a nutshell, I don’t think either of us, particularly show up well from this exchange; me as dominating tyrannical control freak and the good doctor as a passively irritated carer who doesn’t seem to have appreciated how immensely grateful I was for his wonderful care. Densely will it affect our friendship, certainly not – not after 54 years – but has the good doctor a future as my carer, even for brief periods? – time will tell, but I hope so.

Not a very auspicious start to our journey when the limousine driver couldn’t find the house. However, having persuaded Emirates to pick us up at six o’clock rather than 7.15, in the event, this did not turn out to be a disaster. I cannot imagine how, or why Emirates would have suggested a 7.15 pick up for a 10.15 flight, everyone knows that the M25 can be a complete disaster and you can sit there for an hour and not move – if there has been an accident or there were the inevitable road works – and leaving three hours from home to flight departure, would be courting disaster from the beginning, meaning one could arrive half-an-hour or so before check in and be denied boarding.

At Heathrow there is never any guarantee how long security and such matters can take, so there is always a strong possibility with such a late pick up, one could miss the flight, however, having said all that, the journey to the airport went very smoothly and we found ourselves sitting comfortably in the Business Lounge with a couple of hours to spare.
We were able then to indulge in a very good meal, having made up our minds that once we got on the ‘plane we would doss down for the six-and-a-half hours and would not bother with the food on offer.

The selection of food, in the airport lounge, was extremely good. I started with some quail eggs and delicious smoked salmon, and then followed with one of the best racks of lamb that I have had for a considerable length of time, all liberally washed down with a few glasses of champagne.

This set me up for an early head-down once we hit the ‘plane itself. Sadly, it was a 777 and the Business Class seats really aren’t that comfortable, but the six-and-a-half hour flight to Dubai went reasonably quickly, uninterrupted by those incessant meals that one gets on such flights.

We had something like two-and-three quarter hours to kill in Dubai which, again, in the biggest airport lounge in the world extremely well-serviced with food bars, business centres etc, was no great hardship. We boarded our flight at 20.15 for Beijing and although, it was one of the airbuses, again, the Business Class seats had not been “modernised” and although slightly better than the 777 were still not particularly comfortable, but as the flight was of similar length to that from London – six-and-a-half hours or so – it was no great hardship. Unfortunately the flight was delayed by the illness of a young Arab at the door of the Business Class entrance to the ‘plane and it took about three-quarters of an hour before they decided they would unload him which meant they had to find his luggage in the hold and anything that he had brought on to the aircraft and deposited in the overhead lockers. I must confess I was a little bit apprehensive as to whether he had managed to smuggle on some bomb or other, which was not then associated with his personal overhead luggage and that we might be destined for some incident on the flight to Beijing.

Fortunately, my fears were unfounded, and the flight was uneventful although we arrived somewhat later than scheduled. As I can no longer wield a pen Mick is of inestimable value in completing the Arrival and Exit Forms, which seem to go on forever. We were met by a nice young student, Alex ( Sun Ye Ping), who ferried us through to a taxi and to the Friendship Hotel, arriving there around half-past midnight. It took for ever to book us in as we asked for adjoining rooms as this would facilitate the good Doctor assisting me with the various bits and pieces – dressing, washing etc – for which I now need help.

21 Oct.2009

I managed to ring ‘my lovely’ in Cornwall just before I went to bed. around 1.30 a.m. local time,. I was awake at 4.30 after my normal three hours sleep despite the jet lag so-called, and taking my normal sleeping pills etc, however, I held on to around 5.30 when I got up and started dictating this blog.

From Clavering to the Friendship Hotel in Beijing had taken approximately 24 hours so I suppose I wasn’t doing too badly. It augured well for the lectures to come for which Alex told me there were to be around 130 students. I managed to make myself a cup of green tea by tearing the packet apart in my teeth, without disturbing the good Doctor. I did my morning exercises – as I do every day at home – but for the first time ever I was unable to raise my arm and opposite leg from the floor. Maybe it is something to do with the Chinese floors or the out-of-phase timing, but this is a rather an alarming development.

22 Oct.2009

Went to the University to meet Maggie and to check out the papers etc, all very much under control – it looks like 120-130 students so should be quite a good class. Then we had a very good lunch – far too much to eat – and then off to the Silk Market to buy some cashmere sweaters for ‘my lovely’ and Chloe – got the wrong sizes and the wrong colour, sadly because I had left Alice’s clear instructions behind at the hotel, so poor Mick is going to have to go back tomorrow and change them. As he is planning to go to the Forbidden City it not so far out of his way.

The Silk Market is one of my favourite shopping venues in Beijing. It is located quite a long way from the Hotel – way beyond the Forbidden City – but it is well worthwhile a visit. When I first came to Beijing the market used to be literally that – open air market stalls with a tarpaulin thrown over them – now it is housed in a five or six storey building but, nevertheless, retains much of the original souk (market) feel. I go to a particular shop – No 88 – to which I was recommended by a friend from the British Embassy many years ago. I have always beaten down the price asked and got what I believe is an good bargain from the dear lady who runs it. She almost weeps when I turn up but, nevertheless, I think that is all part of the game. I bought two beautiful sweaters – one for each of my. girls. Whether it really such a good bargain these days I’m not so sure. From the asking price 860 yuan each (£76) I beat her down to 550 yuan each (£48) but then someone has to make a living. All I know is that they are the best Inner Mongolian cashmere but they may well have been cheaper in M&S’s in the UK!

Before returning to the hotel we sat in the street having a cup of coffee and a smoke. I used my patent hands-free cigar holder which caused quite a stir amongst the local populace. If I had had a suitcase of them with me I could probably have sold them on the spot. At some stage I will include a photograph of this ingenious gadget on this blog

Then back to the Hotel for a bit of rest – I was a bit weary – before another heavy meal. Gosh, one seems to be eating all the time here! Wonderful food but really far too much! The great thing about the Chinese is that they don’t seem to hang around over their meals – we didn’t leave the hotel much before 6.30, got to the restaurant at seven o’clock and we were back in the Hotel around nine o’clock ready to go to bed early for an early start tomorrow for the beginning of the lectures. I shall be very interested to see how I manage physically. In the meantime the good old Doctor is doing a great job as my carer – he seems to have taken over wonderfully from Alice so I am extremely well looked after.

23 Oct.2009

So, first day of the lectures. Michael was an absolute star, got me up at 7.10 and not only helped me with my bits and pieces but washed me with my sponge, dressed me, got me down to breakfast and in the hall by 8.30. We were at the University just before nine when the lectures were due to start. After a little bit of a problem with the PowerPoint slide projector and so on – which seems par for he course – things got underway and, and I must say, went extremely well.
I was very pleased with the morning performance – I didn’t have to do it all – Bill Godwin did his bit and I did mine – I managed to keep my voice up at a reasonable volume and I believe kept the interest of the students. We then had a nice lunch – as always far too much – I try not to over eat at lunch time when I am lecturing as it makes me feel a bit sleepy. I then had a good rest until the mid-afternoon break when I took over again.

Of course, we went out to supper that evening with the students but did manage to get a relatively early night.

24 Oct.2009

The second day lectures also went extremely well. In the event they were apparent in 140 students. I must say having Bill helping me took some of the weight off my shoulders, certainly I have been pleasantly surprised at the energy I have been able to inject in the lectures and still keep the students attentive and laughing at the right time and so on.

Ironically, my greatest fear has been the lavatory, because the lavatories in the old block at the University are all squats – ceramic lined holes in the floor and you have to squat down and frankly the condition of my knees and legs at the moment is such if I got myself in that position I wouldn’t ever be able to get up again. What on earth happens to one’s trousers and bits and pieces that are down on the floor, in such a circumstance, well, one shudders to think. How does one get assistance to pull up a half naked professor? I won’t go into any great detail, I will just leave it to the reader to imagine the horrors of it. All I can say is thank goodness I was constipated and therefore had no need to squat in the lavatory.

We had our usual delicious lunch in one of the private rooms at the back of the students canteen. Lots of lovely of tofu, prawns and other exciting dishes that you don’t get in Chinese restaurants in London. The afternoon session again went well and after a short rest the helpful Mick got me dressed quickly to go to the famous Beijing Quanjude Shuangyushu Roast Duck Restaurant. The Dean, Professor Shijian (John) Mo, came a little later but when we arrived we were greeted by the deputy dean, Professor Zhang Lying and her lovely daughter Dear. I’m glad to say that the wonderfully helpful students, Alex and Bessie (Yan Guanzu) were invited as well.. It was a fantastic meal interspersed with toasts every few minutes. All terribly complimentary; ‘to the Professor for coming’ and ‘to his wonderful Doctor and so on and so forth – a lot of fun, really a great deal of fun. Again, despite the grand occasion it was all over by nine o’clock, of which I certainly approve. However, this wouldn’t go down too well at home – certainly not with my sister-in-law who frequently doesn’t start eating until 9.30 or 10 o’clock. Anyway, towards the end of the meal there was the inevitable presentation of gifts. Mine turned out to be a magnificent china violin decorated with very delicate flowers and a butterfly.– I have no idea of its significance but it was clearly an extremely fine gift. Different from European taste, admittedly, but, nevertheless, a beautiful piece of porcelain.

Mick, was also recognised. Indeed he has been recognised quite a lot of the time by the staff; his health drunk and thanks given to him for all the wonderful work he is doing in keeping me sort of propped up and sprucely dressed and so on.

They really appreciate that he is making it possible for me to deliver my lectures and, as such, he hasn’t been in the shadows in any way. They have referred to the good Doctor on many occasions, and on this occasion gave him a very nice gift too.

25 Oct.2009

Thank goodness this is the last day as I seem to have survived reasonably well. Fortunately only had one major lecture to give, then after that we had role play and I used some American students, Will, Rod, Nancy and Yolande who were absolutely magnificent. They really were – it was the best role play we have had in he 10 years or so since I’ve been doing this course. We played out a sketch, or at least a part mock arbitration that I had written many years ago in connection with Yangzi River Dam. The dispute was about a software failure in connection with the lifts that take the ships at the bottom of the Dam – anything up to 3,000 tons – and blow them out at the top. There were all sorts of claims and counter-claims and I had written a very amusing piece of dialogue between the barristers over various applications before and during the interlocutory period. That went down extremely well with the students.

On this last day I realised there was a rather smart looking, elderly gentleman at the back of the classroom and I wondered who on earth he was, so I went up and introduced myself and discovered he was an Italian Professor of Finance. Heaven knows why he sat in on my lectures, as I discovered that he had come to the university to see the Dean who was away at the time. He apparently speaks five different languages and seems to be one of those people who can absorb knowledge, so I suppose he thought he might fill in the time he and waiting to see the Dean to learn a bit about dispute resolution. Anyway he was a very nice guy so I invited him to join us for lunch on the Saturday and we sat and had a chat. Apparently, his field, outside his main business I suppose, for he is a lawyer but also a financial advisor, is the purchase of very expensive wines that get laid down and mature and then are sold on – very rarely drunk of course. I took an instant shine to this Professor and decided that I would probably follow up on him, when I got home, and have a little flutter on wine myself.

We finished fairly early mid-afternoon and then we had the certificate presentation. Almost all of the 140 students, for some extraordinary reason, wanted to be photographed with the Professor, which was absolutely crazy, so we did them five at a time and after about 40 of them dear Maggie decided that that was enough for the poor old Professor. So I left, or at least I tried to leave – went through the back of the classroom and they came out in hoards these girls. ‘Professor, Professor, I want your photograph with me’ and so on and so on, How could I deny them, so I stood there like a film star for 20 minutes or so being photographed with all these lovely little girls. After a while I just fled and when back to the hotel to have a short rest before going out to yet another final dinner and then, no sooner had I settled down, than the telephone rang saying not 6 o’clock, as originally planned, but would we be in the lobby at 5.30, so our rest was cut short.

One thing I should stress, and should stress, most strongly, is that although all of my time is given voluntarily, and unpaid, to this teaching assignment, none of it would be possible without the very generous support of the members of the Arbitration Club, which I founded 20 years ago, who has established a China Fund to cover the travel expenses.
As a result something in the order of 1000 Chinese lawyers, or would-be lawyers, reading for a Masters degree in international law have benefited. A truly worthwhile venture for a club whose motto is Excellence through Sharing.

Off we went to the restaurant where I had invited the American students, who had been so good in the role play. Maggie was there too, as was the larger than life Dr. Jonathan Ma – I was delighted to see him (hadn’t seen him for years) but he is the most extraordinary lively sort of person.

We had a delicious meal which, as it turned out was Will (Devenny’s) 24th birthday, who, instead of us giving him a present – we had no idea it was his birthday – generously gave us a wonderful bottle of some very expensive Chinese spirit which, turned out to be 52% proof – pretty potent stuff.

Unfortunately another large box for poor old Mick to carry who will, no doubt, end up looking rather like a Christmas Tree but, nevertheless, it was very kind of Will, who rather unexpectedly insisted on giving me big hug before he went off, obviously to celebrate his birthday with his friends where he was probably meant to be the whole evening but was too polite to reject my invitation to join us.

Again, it was fortunate that the evening was cut short fairly early – about 9 o’clock – we managed to get away back to our hotel – Mick and I sat and had a quiet whiskey together and had an early night already thinking about the morrow when we would have to pack – have one day left and leave about 7 o’clock in the evening for the flight to Thailand.

26 Oct.2009

Maggie had very kindly asked me what I’d like to do on my last day and I had suggested visiting somewhere in old Beijing — not one of the usual tourist attractions. So we packed up, left our bags with the hall porter and went off on a Mystery Tour with Alex and Bessie.

The destination proved to be the Emperor’s magnificent private garden ( Bei hai Park) behind, and adjoining the Forbidden City. Before we did that we went into some lovely old butongs, which is where the Chinese used to live – tiny little courtyards – hidden behind a substantial studded, frequently highly decorated, wooden door. The courtyard would have buildings on all four sides– a studio perhaps, bedrooms, dining room and so on with the elderly parents living in one part of it and the daughter, husband and children in the other and maybe an office in the other part. It was a great excitement to experience what China was really like once. The particularly butong we visited happened to be the studio of a well-known expert in the art of paper cutting. Mick bought a cutting of an owl.

Whilst in this little area of old China we had to travel round in rickshaws because no cars were allowed. Then we went off into the Park – the one behind the Forbidden City. It must have been be over hundred acres with its lakes ( Qian Hai –“Front Sea” and Hou Hai – “Back Sea”), temples and so on – that was really quite exciting. We had a very pleasant modest lunch by the lake. On the way out of the Park, before we left to go back to the Hotel, we came across a lot elderly people dancing and singing and exercising as they do in China and Mick joined in and had a little dance with one of the old ladies. It was so beautiful and so Chinese. A delightful finish to our trip.

Then back to the Hotel to pick up our suitcases and off to the airport with Alex and Bessie characteristically absolutely insisted on coming with us all the way, even seeing us through the departure gate, just to make sure that everything was under control and there were no snags. They have both been marvellous.

We had our flight then to Thailand on Air China, a flight of around four and-a-half hours – we were cramped up in Economy for the first time – but it went quite quickly and wasn’t too bad. Our driver, who I had used previously, was thankfully waiting for us at Bangkok Airport.

27 Oct 2009.

We left the Airport around 1.20 a.m and sped through the virtually empty motorways, arriving at the Anantara in just over two hours, which was amazing. We got to bed at about 3.15 and having had about three or four hours sleep – I got up about 7.30, and breakfasted in what has become very familiar surroundings. We were greeted at every turn by the staff who charmingly, and with great enthusiasm, welcomed us back.

So we started the day as if we had been here all along. Mick stayed in his room and did some updating on his reports and I went off to my usual sunbed. It was baking hot and very sticky so I didn’t stay at it too long, being the first day and then went back to my room at lunch time to ring ‘my lovely’ as I always do at this time of day.

After a very pleasant morning lying on that isolated little platform, opposite our Lagoon houses, I spent the afternoon on my shaded balcony – spreadeagled on very large with a terrifically long soft couch. Being absolutely private I lay there naked listened to music and reading – the sun comes round around two o’clock so I had a little more sun bathing, before preparing to go out for our first evening in town and our visit to Danush, the Royal Boss, the tailor where I had one or two things I need him to make for me.

As usual we caught the six o’clock bus into Hua Hin– the journey taking about five or eight minutes. We marched off to the supermarket, changed some money, got some tonic water and then went up to see our tailor. Unfortunately, Danush has gone home to Nepal – I always thought his was Indian but it seems he is Nepalese – and wasn’t there and probably won’t be back before we leave which is very sad but his assistant took my measurements for trousers and some shirts for Karl, my son-in-law, but unfortunately wasn’t able to even consider making my flannel wrap round draws, which I had so carefully designed and thought was a brilliant idea to go under my kilt for the winter months when I go round with the geriatrics at golf, on Tuesdays, so I am having to think again on that one.

Anyway, from there we went on down the Poolsuk Road to the Bam Bam – by reputation, with the locals ex-pats who live here – one of the best restaurants in the town – where we have been many a time, over the years, and had a meal. We sat next to a rather charming middle aged Dutch couple – they looked rather jolly and I rather insulted them by saying that their language was disgusting but I didn’t mean it quite as badly as that and I apologised – what I meant was that it is an extremely difficult language to master. I explained to them that I had a Dutch son-in-law and that I had spent nearly three months trying to perfect a five-minute address to the 30 odd Dutch guests who came to Karl and Chloe’s wedding, 16/17 years ago.

Anyway we got on very well with them – a very sweet couple. The guy told us that he retired at 50 and they were spending six months of the year travelling round the world, but rather sadly said, when I asked him what he had done for gainful employment he told me that. he had had a variety of jobs – estate agency and so on – that he had only worked to live – I find that a terrible indictment.. I think anybody who does a job and doesn’t enjoy it should stop and do something else, but there we are – everybody is different.

We then we hailed a took took back to our hotel, 120 baht – at least I beat the poor lady down who was driving to took took from 150 baht to 120.

She had a little boy with her, as she drove us back to the hotel and, predictably, when we got there, Michael – being the generous person he is – gave her a 20/30 baht tip which brought us back to the 150 but that’s typical of Michael.

Like Alice he is one on life’s giver. The world is divided between givers and takers – Alice and Michael are givers, sadly, I am a taker but I have tried very, very hard not to be for many years. So, we then go back to our rooms, as we always do, when we are here, we settled down over a nice large glass of Black Label – we enjoy that – propped ourselves up my bed and watched a video. This one was about the young Victoria which was a really lovely and interesting film. I learnt things like the fact that the young Queen Victoria, was the first occupant of Buckingham Palace – I didn’t know that. In fact, I rather stupidly didn’t know that she wasn’t even in direct line for the throne – but she was the only offspring of three uncles – King William IVth. had no children and as she was the daughter of the Duke of Kent, a fourth son of George III, he was next in line. – I should have known that but I didn’t. Anyway, it was a very pleasant film and so to bed.

28 Oct.2009.

Got up early this morning – Mick had a swim and we went off and had our usual fantastic breakfast – it has to be the best breakfast anywhere in the world – the widest variety of food and fruits – all sorts of goodies. We then went back to our rooms and on to the platform across the lagoon, opposite where Michael settled me down on my sunbed, covered me all over in oil, clamped on the I-Pod, so I could listen to some music. I started off the day with some adagio’s, which I adore, soft, sweet and gentle music. I have a fantastic range of music on my I-Pod – something like 4600 pieces –lots of Beethoven, Bach, Mozart and so on – all the ordinary or commonplace stuff but, in addition, some lesser known works from composers like Field. At some future date, in my blog, I will list some of these more interesting pieces. So I lay there in the sunshine, happy as a sand boy until about 12 when I then read for an hour and then went to my back to my room.

Last night Michael had two great ideas. One, he suggested that I should get some one to write a paper about the miracle of my artificial urinary sphincter (AUS) ( See May 2008/Jan 2009 entry). How, through this great accident the miracle had happened and it should be written up in one of the medical journals. I agreed that I would try to co-paper with a Professor of Urology – I would write the lay bit and the Professor can write the medical bit – Michael suggests we have an MRI to see, or try to see, exactly what is happening with this AUS and perhaps the bio-plastic insert and try to discover why the whole thing happens to be working and retaining the urine. I am sure it will be a fascinating paper.
The second idea Michael had – and I think it’s a lovely one – is that we should make a short DVD that can be used at the beginning of my lectures in China when I can no longer deliver them lectures myself. The idea of being that I can welcome the students each time, in absentia so to speak, and I’m no longer around to deliver the lectures myself. I love that idea, so I shall work on it before next year’s lectures.

This morning, at breakfast, it was rather sweet, I was wearing my apron, which is what I have to wear because I am so messy now, and it is the apron which was designed by the school which my grandchildren attend and it is covered with little drawings, all done by the children themselves – I think they are four to five year olds.

Most extraordinary little drawings, how they see themselves – I think a psychiatrist could make a great deal out of it and underneath each little drawing is written the name of the child who drew it. A dear Thai lady came up and said I looked very nice and very smart – I don’t know quite what she meant but she was fascinated by the apron.
Then at lunch time, I went back to my room to do a little bit of dictation and had my lunch and then I spent the afternoon on my balcony before showering to go into town. Then back to the hotel for our whisky and video. That is the pattern of things day after day. We don’t get bored. In those few hours that I am lying around listening to music or reading I forget my disability, so it’s completely therapeutic. I don’t know how much more I shall need to say about these eight days because I can’t imagine that there will be many incidents to report but if there are I will do so. Otherwise you can take it that that is how we spend the time in this exquisite hotel at the Anantara in Hua Hin.
After watching the film about the young Victoria last night, who had the Duchess of Sutherland I think it was, as her Mistress of the Robes, I have now decided to dub my dear friend Michael Master of the Robes as he obviously helps me dress etc – that is his new title. He is also great on wiping my bottom; he doesn’t seem to mind performing this task, which, with my crippled hands I now finding virtually impossible. He is very keen on clean bottoms is Michael – he has done a great deal of inspections over the years and seen a great number of backsides! He told me, rather amusingly, of the number of smartly dressed people who used to come into his surgery and after getting them to undress was amazed how many of them didn’t wear any underpants!

Yesterday, I was on the sunbed outside and had to go and use the outside loo in the garden, open on one side but, stupidly having locked the door, I couldn’t get out. I managed to scramble my little swimming costume up to a respectable level and then the only way I could get out was to go through the opening at the end of the lavatory cubicle and struggle through the jungle, clutching my swimming trunks so that they didn’t fall off. Anyway, there we are – this is one of those things I now have to put up with, like it or lump it.

For my lunch everyday I have a nice box of fruit which dear Michael has to fill for me now at breakfast, unashamedly going up to the bench where all the fruit is. The staff don’t seem to mind. He fills it with mangoes, pineapples and water melon and some little bits of lime. This then is my lunch every day, while I am here, which is great. He fills the bottle with orange juice and again, the staff don’t seem to mind – so it is a very healthy lunch.

After my lunch of my fresh fruit, I go out onto the balcony and lie au naturelle after being oiled up by Mick – he applies the oil as if I were an Egyptian about to be mummified! I have an hour or so in the sun before I go on reading my current book which is The Last Apostle by James Becker, light holiday reading.

I found this book in the ‘left books’ tray at the Lagoon Bar in this resort. At first I thought it a pale imitation of Dan Brown’s ‘The Da Vinci Code’ but as I got into it I realised that it was a very good and exciting story. Basically, it’s about the pursuit of a sacred relic by a maverick policeman and his estranged wife after the murder of his erstwhile lover in Italy who lived in a 14th Century house, near Ponticelli, where a Latin inscription, HIC VANDICI LATITANT (‘Here Lie the Liarers’) had been found hidden behind the plaster-work. It’s all about this couple getting embroiled in a chase over a number of months to follow a complicated trail of clues to find this sacred relic – which the Vatican itself has been looking for over the past 1500 years – supported allegedly by The Mafioso .

The relic allegedly proves that St Peter and St Paul (as they became) were agents of the Emperor Nero, who started what he called the “Christ Myth” in order to divert the Jews who were being rather troublesome at the time.

Now before I quote from the book (without the author’s consent, I must stress) let me say that I’m quite interested in this subject, though not morbidly so, having read Professor Dawkins’ denial of God, ‘The God Delusion’, and this follows, in a funny sort of way, the same sort of trail, and because of my ‘affliction’ I will obviously know whether God exists, or not ( as I believe to be the case) before most of my readers!

‘The Last Apostle’, is of course, as the author says, a novel; and to the best of his knowledge no documents resembling the Vitalian Codex ( the document buried deep in the Vatican’s most secret vaults which purports to evidence that Peter and Paul were Nero’s secret agents) – existed or ever existed.

However, quoting from James Becker:

“…the central idea of this book is founded on fact because, despite my fiction, there is some historical evidence that St Paul was an agent of Rome, employed by the Emperor Nero in precisely the manner I’ve suggested in this book…”

He continues:

“…for more information about this, readers are directed to Joseph Atwil’s, ‘Caeser’s Messiah.”

The hypothesis is that Paul and Titus Flavius Josephus – a 1st Century Jewish historian – was employed by Rome to foster a peaceful messianic religion in Judea in an attempt to reduce the rebelliousness of the Jews and their opposition to Roman rule. If this is true, this suggests an interesting piece of lateral thinking on the part of the Roman Emperors…”

A little further back in the book is another interesting, if provocative, quote:

“…in the 1st Century AD the Romans had been fighting the Jews for decades and the constant military campaigns were weakening the empire. Rather than initiate a massive military response, Emperor Nero decided to create a new religion based on one of the dozens of messiahs who were then wandering about the Middle-East.

He chose a Roman citizen called Saul of Tarsus as his paid agent. Together they decided that a minor prophet and self-proclaiming messiah named Jesus, who had died in obscurity somewhere in Europe a few years earlier after attracting a small following in Judea, was ideal. Nero and Saul concocted a plan that would allow Saul to hijack the fledgling religion for his own purposes.

Saul would first achieve a reputation as a persecutor of Christians, as the followers of Jesus were becoming known, and then undergo a “spiritual” revelation that would turn him from persecutor into apostle. This would allow Saul to insinuate himself into a position of power and leadership and he would then direct the followers – namely Jews of course – into a path of peaceful cooperation with the Romans occupying forces. He would tell them to “turn the other cheek”, “render under Caesar” and so on.

In order to achieve this fairly quickly Saul needed to “talk up” Jesus into far more than he ever was in real life. He decided that the obvious option was to portray him as the son of God. He concocted a variety of stories about him starting with a virgin birth and finishing with him rising from the dead and proclaiming these to be the absolute truth…”

Admittedly all of this could be said to be fairly fanciful.

In one of those hypothetical discussions about the existence of Jesus early on in the book the author says the following to one of the Senior Cardinals of the Vatican:

“…you can’t prove God exists but I can almost prove that Jesus didn’t. The only place where there is any reference to Jesus Christ is in the New Testament and that – and you know this just as well as I do, whether you admit it or not – is a heavily edited collection of writings, not one of which can be considered to be even vaguely contemporary with the subject matter. To come up with the “agreed” gospels the Church banned dozens of other writings that flatly contradict the Jesus myth.

If Jesus was such a charismatic and inspiring leader and performed the miracles and all the other things the Church claims he did, how come there is not one single reference to him in any piece of contemporary Greek, Roman or Jewish literature? If this man was so important, attracted such a devoted following and was such a thorn in the side of the occupying Roman Army, why didn’t anybody write something about him? The fact is he only exists in the New Testament, the “source” that the Church has fabricated and edited over the centuries and there is not a single shred of independent evidence that he ever existed…”

Is this a good point?

Finally, on that theme, allegedly (in the book) Leo X, the Medici Pope, apparently said that the Christ myth had “served them well”. This is very interesting and I would love to know from a scholar if it is recorded that Leo X ever actually said something similar to this.

In the Epilogue there are interesting things about St Paul (as he is known today); and he undoubtedly, according to the author, existed – born around AD 9 to wealthy Jewish merchants in Cilicia. As a young man he was a violent opponent of Christ and was active in identifying those he saw as heretic Jews and delivering them for punishment.

Tradition holds that he was on his way to Damascus to continue his persecution of Jews when he was blinded by a light from heaven and underwent his celebrated conversion, following which he remained blind for some time. Once his sight was restored he became an ardent Christian. This apocryphal incident may have been inspired by ophthalmia neonatorum, a painful weakness of the eyes that left him almost blind in later life.

The other important apostle, St Peter, the author refers the reader to a Spanish scholar, Josep Puente, who suggests that he may not have existed at all as he is only found within the pages of the New Testament, and there is no independent historical evidence to substantiate his existence.

As I say, a fascinating book, a good page turner – in my opinion, every bit as good as Dan Brown’s ‘The Da Vinci Code’. I certainly recommend it anyone who likes a good ripping tale – true or not – and I wish Mr Becker every success

In contrast to this Michael has read a biography of Hitler; a biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer; then a book about the French Revolution and is currently reading John Stott- a book about an English evangelist. I, on the other hand, have now moved on to A.J. Cronin’s “Grand Canary”.

Around four o’clock, most days, we reckon is drink time, we order some ice and have a nice long gin and tonic and sit under the fan on the balcony before getting ready to go out in the evening to catch the six o’clock bus into town.
This evening before we had supper, we got dropped off at the most sophisticated craft shop, just outside Hua Hin, to purchase a beautiful silk square for Dr “Maggie” Quin (the kind, gentle and unruffled Maggie) as a very small token of our esteem and gratitude for the wonderful way in which she organised every single detail of our visit to China including the provision of a fresh red rose every morning for my button hole. After buying that we went back and saw the tailor to have a fitting for the trousers he was making for me. Mick ordered some shirts and then we went off to the Onn Onn Corner restaurant where we had a far better meal then we had the night before at the Bam Bam. Mike had had some hot Thai soup with prawns, mushrooms and coconut milk and some egg fried rice and I had squid, which was a little bit rubbery, with a lot of red and green peppers and things with it and a plate of fried rice. We had a bottle and a half of Singha beer – the total cost was 470 baht – roughly about £8.50.

30 Oct.2009

Last night, we went to the Onn Onn, again, not very adventurous but the food was so good last time we couldn’t resist it. We both had scallops – mine with a green Thai curry (quite a light curry) and Mick with coconut milk. He had a bowl of steamed rice and we shared a large plate of Onn Onn special rice.

Then, as is our usual wont, we got a took took back to the hotel where we settled ourselves down with our Black Label whiskey and watched Clint Eastwood in a really lovely film, Gran Torrino, not too violent, but the language was a little bit strong, and then had a fairly early night 10 o’clock.

31 Oct.2009

This morning Mick banged on the door at seven o’clock having had his second day when he had a swim having started off with six lengths – this morning he managed 12 – he is determined to get it up to 20 tomorrow, so he is getting fit and he is getting a little bit brown – he doesn’t sit in the sun like I do. After I had shaved, lying down, we went off and had our wonderful breakfast, filled my fruit box and then he put me on my sunbed, which is in view of our house, again oiled where I lay for an hour and a half of so with a couple of cool showers and a drink in between. I then read for an hour till one o’clock when I went back to my room for my lunch.

Then my daily telephone call to ‘my lovely’ I have never failed to make a call in the 47 years we have been married, not always getting through but I have always tried. Just the sound of her voice is enough to carry me on to the next day. It all seems to work very well.

The staff here are as wonderful as ever. They know me now very well having been here around a dozen times and the good Doctor – this is his third visit.

We had a talk with Tim Boda, the director/manager, and he told me that he had been following my blog from the beginning, which is interesting and even sent one of my jokes -the one about the two old gentlemen - to his father who found it amusing.

On the way into town tonight we called at the Craft Centre to pick up the silk square for Maggie and Mick bought one – not as nice as Maggie’s, – for one of his friends, Leen in Dubai. Then we got a took took to the corner restaurant near the Temple. Mick was very hungry. He had a bowl of steamed rice, half a dish of fried rice, some magnificent prawns in mango sauce and a terrific seafood soup to start with. I was very abstemious, as he was paying!

I just had some fried squid, some fried rice and we shared a bottle and half of beer. We got back incredibly early in time for our whisky and our film which was entitled Good.  It was an interesting film about a nice young lecturer – be involved in a moral dilemma against the power of the Nazi State – he couldn’t refuse to join them and hated himself for it. It was of particular interest to me because in the film,, he had written an novel about assisted suicide because his mother was ill and it was a terrible shock to him to see her going down hill. The Nazis jumped on this as an example of exterminating handicapped and disabled people and got him to write a paper justifying such extermination on humanity grounds and thus his dilemma.

So we got back last night from the market, had our usual whisky and watched a film and then we tried Will’s very kind and generous present of Chinese liquor – delicious but deadly stuff – the taste stayed with me half the night.

1 Nov.2009

This morning Mick did his 20 laps. For breakfast, I usually have a couple of poached eggs and some streaky back but I start off with a plate of fresh mango, pineapple and water melon smothered in muesli. I finish with a tiny piece of toast and marmalade and coffee, of course, and lots of orange juice. After breakfast I usually ‘bake’ till about 11 o’clock when I go for a freezing cold shower and a dip in the pool and a drink, then back for a little more ‘baking’ before reading for about an hour bringing the time out to up to about one o’clock, lunchtime.

I forgot to mention at breakfast when Michael, my Master of the Robes, rushes around collecting my food, he is now in strong competition with the staff who also seem to know that I need help and it is very amusing to see which can get to me first. One great feature of breakfast is a honeycomb that they hang up over a long wooden trough – about 2/3 feet long – with a bowl underneath it and the honey drips off the honeycomb into the trough and into the bowl and people help themselves. An ancient way of collecting honey.

This evening we decided to eat at the corner restaurant on Deachanuchit Road, just up from the Royal Boss tailor. Although it is a scruffy looking place is reputed to have the best food in Hua-Hin. Mick stayed and queued up while I went for a second fitting for my trousers.

Mick had an enormous bowl of sweet chilli, yam and shrimps – the chilli was a bit hot – but he managed to knock it down with two large plates of steamed rice with which he seems to get on well, in addition to another plate of prawns in oyster sauce, so he had a pretty good meal. I had, on the other hand, some mushrooms and fried squid, which weren’t fried in the end – it was all steamed – with the button mushrooms being a little disappointing but I did have a very nice dish of noodles and five tiger prawns which poor Mick had to peel for me because I couldn’t manage it myself.

We washed the whole lot down with a bottle of Singha beer and the cost tonight went up to 560 bahts, around a tenner – my turn to pay!. Then we got a took took back home and settled down to watch our evening movie.

The thing about this particular restaurant it is a hot and open to the air on two sides – just a deck really with a lot of cheap and nasty chairs and tables but the food is meant to be the best in Bangkok and its reputation is such that the Thai Prime Minister is said to have eaten there last year, which is probably the reason the food there is a little more expensive than the other restaurants in which we eat. The amazing thing is that they don’t have a kitchen – and cook, in the gutter, where they have row after row of all sorts of little pots on charcoal fires. It must be good because there is always a queue of people waiting to get in and 95% of the customers are Thai. The washing up is done in three enormous sort of vats – one of soapy water, where the first food comes off and then it is rinsed in another one, then finally rinsed in a third before being wiped.

You could be excused in thinking that from such primitive washing up you would get the most disgusting diseases and things and runny tummies but I have never had one yet. This incredible industry, all in the street, has to be seen to be believed.

I have decided that Michael is to have a third title, apart from Master of the Robes, dressing me, washing me and all the rest of it and in between, Jeeves attending to my other needs, I think I am going to call him the Kindly Reaper, as opposed to the Grim Reaper, dressed in a sparkling white robe, maybe with a hint of wings coming through his shoulder blades, and perhaps a glimmer of a halo. He knows so many dying and sick people and has buried quite a few of them over the past few years – I don’t know what it is about him that seems to attract him to them or the other way around – I suppose being a doctor he attracts those sort of people, thus the Kindly Reaper – even his dear sister Jenny died only a couple of weeks ago. Anyway that is my third title for Michael.

1 Nov.2009.

Tonight, before we got our usual six o’clock bus into Hua Hin we had been invited to visit Connie (Constance M Heinecke) whom we have got to know over the years. She is regarded as the Grande Dame of the whole place and lives in a beautiful penthouse apartment in the condominium, adjacent to the resort, Anantara. From this rooftop dwelling there was a wonderful breeze and an incredible view of the coast. The apartment has a surrounding balcony, copiously enriched by numerous and variable plants in pots forming a lush garden. Connie is a fascinating, bubbly 90-year-old and the mother of William Heinecke, CEO and chairman of “Minor”, a fast growing international company operating our resort, Anantara, and another 50 or more hotels and 1500 or so restaurants throughout Thailand and internationally. The Heinecke family are committed to ‘giving back’ to the community. They have set up the “Roy E Heinecke Foundation”, named after Connie’s late husband, The Foundation has, and is presently giving, around 300 full education scholarships in Thailand and this number is increasing. Separately, the family have taken to providing regular daily lunches at schools for more than 3000 children. Roy Heinecke worked in American Embassies in and about South East Asia. Connie was a advertising manager for Newsweek Asia for 15 years and woman’s editor for the Army, Navy and Air Force Times in the Korean War. Connie and Roy began their lives with nothing. With Connie we also met another lovely Italian lady, Angela Paola, who lives with her husband in the condominium, as well as in Northern Italy. A delightful interlude.

Then we went into town as usual and went down the little market, at the end of the Buddist Temple where Mick bought four pairs of Calvin Klein XXL boxers for 600 baht – just over £10 for four pairs.

Then we tried a new restaurant The Smile, which is between the Bam Bam and the Onn Onn. The Bam Bam was eerily empty – only four people in there tonight. I have never seen it so empty before. Something clearly has gone wrong – it was, according to the ex pat population who live here – the most popular restaurant in Hua-Hin in the old days. Anyway, Smile was very good. I had crab fried rice, which was delicious and a hot plate of steamed seafood. Mick had a rather poor supper of mussels which he hated because he doesn’t like messing around with shells and some steamed rice. He also ate half of my fried rice, but it was still an inadequate supper for him. With one bottle of beer, the total cost was a 500 baht. Then back to our room where we were going to watch A Handful of Dust – we didn’t watch it last night. Instead we watched The Eagle has Landed – the plot to kidnap Churchill towards the end of the war. Whether it was true or not I know not but it was a very good film.

2 Nov. 2009

This evening, on the way to the tailor, we noticed that there was no queue for the famous corner restaurant so rather unadventurously decided to eat there again.

Being so much emptier it was far more pleasant. We had, in fact, a very good meal. Mick had a bowl of delicious looking seafood soup which was watery and not too spicy and only one plate of steamed rice – he is getting very abstemious. We shared a plate of mixed seafood of scallops, squid and prawns in an oyster sauce. I modestly had a very cheap plate of mixed stir fry vegetables and seafood which I found very much to my taste. We shared a bottle of beer and the total cost was 360 baht.

After supper Mick insisted in walking down the main market. Every two or three minutes he would disappear into some stall or other – it was a real pain. It was very hot. He bought some more pants – he just loves buying these boxers – he must have about 74 pairs by now. Michael’s favours bright red underpants – which is somewhat rather strange because most of his clothes are a sort of grey or brown – rather drab, not what I’m called a snappy dresser! – I can’t help feeling he is a sort of closet dandy somewhere waiting to come out.

After a while I had had enough of the stifling heat of the market anyway and I tried dragging him away, and but he insisted on trying to buy a suitcase but I wouldn’t let him because it was too expensive.

That evening watched a film called Crash which was weird – I didn’t entirely understand it so I went out to clean my teeth at what Mick described as a key moment. Anyway he got a little cross with me but anyway it was OK. A lovely day and a very pleasant evening.

3 Nov. 2009

Tonight the hotel staff kindly invited us to participate in The Loy Krathong Festival which has been celebrated in Thailand since the 13th century. Of Brahmin origin, the Festival involves placing a decorated float, traditionally made of a banana tree stump, but now usually of Styrofoam (sad) into a river or stream to let the “loy”, or “float” drift away with one’s prays or wishes to the sea, where the Hindu God Vishnu resides.

The garden below us round the little lagoon was beautifully lit up and flowers everywhere. Each department of the hotel made an enormous floral wreath to float on the water, something like 2/3 feet in diameter, all different colours and shapes with incense and candles in them and there was a small individual one on every table.

The tables, with their white linen tablecloths were set out on the lawn under strips of coloured lights where we ate – a table having been reserved for us – and the food, row after row after row, of different types – were all in the little shelter where they give cookery lessons on the edge of the lagoon. The scene was enchanting and then, at the end of the meal, we lit our incense and candles and floated our individual loys on the lagoon as the locals sang the Loy Festival song.

It was particularly poignant in Michael’s case because, dear Jenny, his sister – who, of course, I also knew pretty well – died only two weeks ago and Lars Aby, a good friend from Loa, in Sweden, died only a few days ago, so we thought of them both as our little flower wreath floated away.

The wind got up during the night and there was a terrific storm, a lot of branches and leaves came down and things blew over and so on. So the hotel were extremely lucky to have such a lovely evening for their celebration. Amazing enough, talking about weather, when we left Beijing there was with a bright blue sky and the temperature was 23°C. We heard, a day or two ago, that it is now – 8°C and snowing -something that hasn’t happened in Beijing in living memory. What an amazing change and how lucky we were to have such beautiful weather while we were there.

Today, after the storm, it is very cloudy, in fact a little bit chilly. No sunbathing today so Mick and I caught up with e-mails and that sort of thing but the day slipped by very happily. We looked forward to our last night to Hua-Hin, to pick up our clothes, pay the tailor and so on and have our final meal in the Onn Onn and then and start thinking about packing for home.

It was pouring with rain this evening for the first time so we trudged around with our umbrellas through puddles and went to the supermarket where. Mick finally bought himself a new suitcase to carry some more of the junk that he had accumulated. Then we went for our last supper. Mick had some green Thai curry and steamed rice. Then back to the hotel to watch a very elderly Clint Eastwood in The Good the Bad and the Ugly. For a Western – a surprisingly good film.

4 Nov.2009

Our last day. Fortunately the sun came out and I was able to have a final morning on the sunbed listening to exquisite music. I packed up and returned to my room around 1.00 p.m for my fruit lunch and, with considerable help from Mick, completed my packing before spending a last hour au naterelle spread eagle on my balcony couch.

A note was delivered to my room, with the account, enabling an express checkout with the following charming message.

Once upon a time, in the Gulf of Siam,
on the coastline of Thailand’s Prachuap Khiri Khiri province
a Voyager known as

Professor Cato

Found the jewel of the King’s Heart

Seduced by the tranquil setting and lush gardens
as he was leaving this paradise known as Anantara Resor
he forgot that he had scheduled his departure at 17.00 hours

The kind people at the Anantara resor
sent this note as a gentle reminder, saying…

Thank You
We look forward to seeing you again soon.

This charmingly summed up a delightful stay.

Apologies to the reader for the surfeit of discussion about meals, but the food on this trip was absolutely delicious, as you will gather, particularly the seafood in Thailand.

Our car had been booked for 4 p.m. but turned up 20 minute late. However, we had a good driver who got us to the airport in under three hours. We then had time for a glass or two of champagne (or in Mick’s case whisky) and a light supper before boarding the aircraft around 9.30. The ‘plane turned out to be one of the new 380 Airbuses. The seats went flat and were quite comfortable and therefore we were able to sleep for a good part of the 6 ½. hour flight to Dubai.

At this stage I think it is a convenient time to assess my physical condition and how I managed on this trip.  Of course, the good doctor attended to most of my personal needs.  He insisted on sponging me down in the shower, dressing me, collecting my food, cutting it up and occasionally even spooning it into my mouth.  Once up and dressed and fed the only other thing I needed help with was lavatorial and, being a doctor,  none of this caused him  any concern. As he said himself he has seen more bottoms and I have had Sunday lunches.

I can still managed to shave myself after a fashion with my electric razor.  I have always shaved in bed, in any event, so lying flat on my back and planting the razor in my  right hand behind the permanently curled fingers and clasping that hand with my left hand, which like the other, is half permanently curled, I can move the razor around my face and neck.  I don’t end up with a very professional job but probably just enough to avoid me looking like one of those young (apparently) sexy unshaven male models which we see on most advertisements today!

The shower at home is over a bath which I have to step into, this I can manage at present but I wonder how long it would be before we have to dispose of this lovely deep cast-iron old-fashioned tub and replace it with a rather nasty walk-in shower.  Teeth is another thing I am still just managing  – after ‘my lovely’ has applied some toothpaste to the brush – by virtue of my fancy electric toothbrush, which tells me when I have spent 30 seconds on each quadrant!  My only difficultly is turning the brush in my hands which I can do in a rather clumsy fashion but maybe at some stage this task too will be have  to be handed over.

Beds can be a slight problem particularly my lovely’s antique four-poster which is rather high off the ground.   I’m now using a stool to get in. I know ‘my lovely’ is keen to replace it with some sort of orthopaedic bed but as I have slept in it for the best part of 50 years and my darling daughter Chloe was born in it and my little grandchildren have crept into it in the early hours of every Christmas morning, when they have spent Christmas with us, eagerly anticipating opening their Christmas stockings, as I hope they will again this Christmas – their parents not wishing to know at 5 a.m. in the morning – I am loathe to get rid of it. I have no difficulty in turning over and to some extent adjusting the bedclothes using my legs and elbows. I do  find it virtually impossible to pull up the duvet around my neck which can be a little annoying when it’s rather chilly.  The other thing I find difficult is moving the pillows. Even the lightest down pillow is too heavy for me to lift other than clenched between my two-fisted hands.

Talking of beds, for as long as I can remember I have kept a large pile of cut paper by the side of the bed with a pen on which I would records notes or ideas which came to me during the night. I did all this in the dark when my ‘my lovely’ still slept with me. Now, sadly as I can no longer write so I have recently turned to a Dictaphone which, although I have some little differently in pushing the record switch, enables me to continue this rather bizarre habit.  Some of my very best ideas have come to me in the early hours of the morning after my two or three hours deep sleep.

Although the good doctor sat at the back of the hall, during some of the Beijing lectures, I insisted that he went sightseeing for two of the three days but I did have  a student with me who turned the pages of my lecture notes and pressed a key, on my laptop, to change the PowerPoint slide where marked. So this side of things went very smoothly.

There’s no doubt, however, that I have weakened during the last month both  in my arms and legs. For example, on returning home, and resuming my morning exercises, I can no longer raise my arm from the floor when lying flat on my stomach. More than once, on this trip,  I found myself in a squat position unable to get up.  On one occasion, in Hua Hin,  I got stuck in a tuk tuk unable to move forward or back. It took the driver and the doctor a bit of shoving and pushing to get me into an upright position onto the seat. On another occasion, when I dropped my plastic room card and attempted to recover it, I found myself wedged against the door practically on my knees, again unable to move. My right arm now occasionally locks rigid and I have to throw my weight into it to bend it. One night I managed to fall out of bed and hit my cheek on the bedside table when reaching for my water.

Once on my feet however, in an upright position, I am able to walk fairly normally albeit a little more slowly than before.  It will be interesting to see how I manage to walk around the golf course next Tuesday.

I am still able to use my laptop as the forefinger and middle finger of my left hand seems to have frozen in an almost horizontal position which is very handy for operating my mouse or switching lights on and off. I have to be particularly careful about shutting doors. On several occasions I have had to ring through to the house to get ‘my lovely’ to open my office door which seems to jam on the cill. Bill, our carpenter, is coming shortly to fit a new cill to overcome this problem.

When away from home, if I use a toilet for the disabled, I usually get a friend, or the attendant, to stand guard outside so I do not have to lock the door and then I usually ask them if they will be kind enough to assist me to adjust my dress. Most people are obliging and do not seem to mind.

I have decided that my driving days are over as I cannot risk having an accident if my right arm locks solid. This means that I shall shortly dispose of my car although I have no high hopes for getting a good price in this current market.

‘My lovely’ has now taken over the duties performed by the good doctor, washing me etc. where, prior to this trip I was able to manage myself.  At all mealtimes I now wear a full-length apron as eating has become a rather sloppy affair, frequently dropping food from the angled spoon, into my lap.  At home I have my articulated arm rest which still enables me to feed myself, albeit rather clumsily. I am working on the design of a sling which will go  from foot to foot, around the back of my neck, connected to the wrist of each hand, which I’m hoping will enable me to raise my right hand to my mouth when I am eating away from home and do not have the articulated arm rest.

Drinking is now done almost entirely in my two handled lightweight mug using a long straw. Smoking is still possible by clamping the cigar, into the spring clip screwed to the top of the freestanding cigar holder which I designed and had made by my carpenter.

Lastly there is the problem of signing my name.  This had to be done on several occasions during this recent trip on arrival and departure cards. In many instances the good doctor had to forge my name. He obviously didn’t want to get embroiled in an hour long discussion and I imagine there must be some system that enables an illiterate to make his mark. I have already given ‘my lovely’ authority to sign my cheques so I am completely at her mercy over my money- I just hope she doesn’t run off with the milkman!!  But how do I cope in other circumstances when she is no longer with me? I can give her a general power-of-attorney but when she is not physically standing next to me how will the person to whom I’m speaking and who is demanding my signature, know that I have authorised the pre-signed cheque?  Clearly there is a procedure as I’m not the first person to find myself in this position, so I must make some enquiries.

Recently I’ve been having difficult in holding my cutlery  which I have fitted with cellular foam tubing – so much cheaper than the specialist cutlery with thick handles. However, I’m finding these foam handles are slippery and therefore hard to grip with my weak hands.  So I conceived the idea of applying some sort of pimpled surface, rather like you can get on a table tennis bat.. I thought I would be able to walk into a sports shop and get some of these table tennis bat covers and then, cut  them up and stick them on to my cutlery handles.  However this did not prove to be the case.

I then had a brain wave of ringing my friend John Gray, the erstwhile CEO of Gray Nicolls, the famous cricket bat manufacturers, originally from Cambridge. (He was the chap who gave me a wonderful week on his magnificent yacht in Elba last Summer).  He got straight onto the case and telephoned son Nick in Australia, where some of the bats are now made.  Nick reminded dad that they used pimpled surfaces on their wicket keeping gloves. Nick then contacted their factory in India, where this material is made, and a small batch is on its way. Wow, ‘ow’s zat,! I shall report further when it arrives.

Now my hands are virtually useless, permanently at right angles to my arms unless I am wearing a wrist support, I have worked out how to take my pills by licking the ‘frozen’ forefinger finger, on my left-hand, and picking them up that way. Things like pieces of chocolate or segments of orange, I nudge onto the back of my left-hand and eat them from there. It’s rather liked the action of taking snuff!

I suppose I started thinking about this as I sat, in a deckchair, in the warm sunshine, on the most beautiful of early autumn days. Alice had popped up to the shops and I needed to go to the bathroom. It took me the best part of five-minutes to get out of the deckchair – indeed, at one stage I almost gave up and waited for her to return. It was then I realised how weak my arms had become.

This lead me to thinking how, when I was having my shower this morning, I realised that it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold and manipulate the long handled sponge.

I told ‘my lovely’, as she dried me, that I would try to hang on until I got back from China, by which time I was pretty sure that she would have to wash me and even perhaps operate my electric razor and toothbrush. Good evidence of the weakening of my arms is that once the wrist support is attached to my right hand it becomes too heavy for me to lift without assistance from the other hand.

One thing he had which I did not was a ‘kindle’ (e-reader).  Of course, I have the Sony version which I have yet to activate. I understand  that a new kindle is to be launched at the end of the year, an Asus, which, it is claimed, will knock spots off the other version available, so I shall probably wait for that.

In yesterday’s papers it was a reported that the Lord Chief Justice, Lord Phillips, sympathises with terminally ill people seeking to end their own lives. In what he described as his personal view, Lord Phillips said “I have enormous sympathy with anyone who finds themselves facing a quite hideous termination of their life as a result of one of these horrible diseases, in deciding they would prefer to end their life more swiftly and avoid that (prolonged) death as well as avoiding the pain and distress that might cause their relatives”.

A poll published in The Times in July revealed overwhelming public support for a change in the law to allow medically assisted suicide.

This follows the debate on assisted suicide which was brought to a head in July after Debbie Pretty, who has multiple sclerosis, won an historic judgment from the House of Lords.. David Winnock, a Labour backbencher is attempting to change the law through a Private Members Bill.